Scumbum industries is excited to bring this once in a lifetime opportunity for you to make serious large amounts of wealth – all from the comfort of your home.

EAST ESTONIA – A CAPTURED MARKET

Scumbum industries is the leading supplier of mashed bananas to weird and developing nations around the world and an amazing opportunity has just opened up in East Estonia for the provision of mashed banana on a 52 year contract. The flamboyant Russian homosexual, Raspootang, has had the contract for the last 30 years and has died from massive internal bleeding due to an unfortunate case of mistaken identity at a jungle themed fancy dress party. This has left the contract open for exploitation and this is where YOUR opportunity to make the BIG BUCKS begins.

EAST ESTONIANS ARE CRAZY FOR MASHED BANANA

East Estonians spend over half their annual earnings on the purchase of mashed bananas. This unusual purchasing activity is the result of a 12th century Estonian witch doctor who proclaimed that for the region to be protected from attack by killer Gorillas, that all Estonians should eat mashed bananas every day.  As East Estonia has no native banana industry, they must import all bananas, and banana related products as the West Estonians don’t like to share their ample supply. The fact that there are no Gorillas in all of Estonia, or the fact that there has only been one Gorilla related death in East Estonia in the last 200 years has not stemmed their appetite for mashed bananas. The irrational fear of death by Gorilla has spawned a deep rooted superstitious and religious belief. They are convinced that the only reason there has only been one Gorilla related death is due to their copious consumption of mashed banana. It is a self reinforcing circle of stupidity that allows ethical exploitation by YOU.

KEEP THE BANANA FLOWING

It’s good for your pocket and it’s good for East Estonians. It’s a guilt free investment. As long as the flow of mashed banana continues, the East Estonians will continue to believe they are supernaturally protected from the threat of killer Gorillas and this gives them peace of mind. Don’t let the fact that the nation is poor make you think they can’t afford mashed bananas, for the East Estonians extract their teeth and smelt them into fake elephant tusks. These East Estonian tusks sell for a very high price in the international black market, and allow the East Estonians to purchase large quantities of premium quality mashed banana. Seeing they have no teeth and that mashed banana is easy to swallow, it is a win-win situation.  Do YOU want to be part of this win-win situation? Are you a winner? Of course you are!