I.
Some things are not meant to be known
For the heart they break may be my own,
I speak the truth she hates -
My life until now was all a big mistake.

Left to my own devices,
Abandoned by the world
The silence was distinctly sour.
Thinking no other person could possibly understand
The demons whispering in my head,
She searched with half-emptied thoughts
For substance, a pole to spin our universe on,
Longing in the darkness of my tortured soul
Waiting for some wanton touch that just might make us one,
An obsession not to be obsessed,
Wandering in a wanted depression, hoping for sought after emotion
The harmony of life dissolving around us,
These memories linger lonely.
Moving forward is difficult
When the past doesn’t fade,
Countless years of ignorance and innocence
Had passed our eyes
Yet she remained in the times behind,
Clinging to our childhood as if it were a ragdoll.
She found comfort in the moonlight
Wanting more than to simply succumb
But thinking only
“If my memory is eternal
Than so am I.”
I can never go back
To the way things were before this began.

There was a simple conversation
A throaty sigh
A whispered greeting
A stranger passing through our life,
Accepting our ignorance
He allowed her to be as close as this -
An understanding touch
Surrounding our senses with white noise,
Letting closeness linger on their fingertips
Kisses eager to fulfill her lips,
She unbound my self-inflicted chains
And I was regaled by my own undoings
Relishing my new mind and once forgotten soul
I embraced my new heart for it was no longer cold and afraid,
But warm, beating, and ready to attend to needs and love.
But then he left me alone with her
Even after I begged him to stay,
I was injured and crying,
In total despair,
Her words are daggers
Her thoughts despise
No issues are unaddressed,
She nags and attacks
Until only my inner soul is left
Then she backs off
To regain her strength
While I ponder the mistakes
I’ve made since the start of time,
The ones she pointed out
With that vehement smile,
My own worst enemy,
The cycle never ceases
From rise to set
We stand together her and I
And try to forget,
That each other exist,
Until I trip over life’s curb
Then her laugh pervades the world.
If he would only stay,
Speak to her worries
Of my incompetent tries
To reach the normalcy
Of other people’s lives,
Keep me company so
She’ll stay away, asleep
Perhaps forever,
Or even just a day.

II.
Then my heart was mislead,
There is no mistaking that,
To care for one so truly
Is a mistake one should not have to regret.

Garden roses red as her lips
Handed over by that stranger she kissed,
His eyes so gentle, hair so fair
Meaning intentions my soul can’t bear,
Cursed by deception,
For him love is like war
Bitter to the very end.
She felt discarded,
Forgotten,
Alone.
Me,
Who I am,
Hidden away.
Kept from the world,
More importantly,
From my own mind.
Undeniable truth
Unspeakable shame
Unfortunate to the many
Who received the blame.
Nightmares can be landscapes
Painted by hearts,
He left us to lie alone in my head,
A universe of one, secluded and dead.

I felt my heart become stale
To convince herself
That our life is nothing less
Than what they think it is,
Shielding herself from time
She worried and pondered the obstacles at hand
But they were more difficult than she envisioned and planned,
Fallen victim to an unsuspected game where
Love was oft mentioned to describe many things,
When rolled from the tongue
It left a bitter taste,
An absence of love
Draining my soul to the last drop,
She resists now the urge to kick and scream,
For she could not take hold of what was unseen.
Token daydreams and dreams for sale,
Her words have been in shadow.
Sometimes though the twilight is brighter than the day,
As our eyes awaken to the trickery of light
She realizes everything comes with negative discourse,
Noxious ghosts of the past having captured us and torn her apart,
We love and yet hurt, unable to admit to one another and unable to console.
Fleeing with memories to the caverns of our universe
She compromised my intentions,
To love was everything yet nothing for her at all,
What she has not learned haunts me,
In the darkness she clings to all she is
A shadow gloried by her sighs,
Tossed by the wayside my spirit died,
We were left thinking that
There is no purpose to love
Other than to experience one another
And by doing so, learn something of yourself.
My heart is still weeping for innocence lost.

III.
Condemn me not for who I was,
But for who I will be,
Learning the lessons of my past
Has set me free.

Now in someone else’s eyes is the flame of my spirit,
His easygoing compassion consumes her,
Intertwining our words to the pleasure of our minds
An overwhelming desire
To be myself is at hand,
Finally absolution from the things she’s seen,
He has told me it is not my fault, indeed
He is a calming wind
Blowing free the hair upon my troubled brow,
He wipes away the tears endowed
By frustration and fear
To open my eyes,
Embracing the passage of time
I hope to reside
In each moment with him
For a lifetime,
My story seems one of penance
Emotions kept in check
For things I had done
In lives before
But on this I didn’t bet -
The delicate passion of our words,
Feeling the unbound energy
That releases me from my prison,
Leading me down the path
Of midnight’s embrace,
Love envelops me,
Holds me,
Gently rocks me.
His arms embrace me,
Hold me,
Gently swaying.
I am swept away
By the depths of his mind,
Enriching my days,
Comforting me at night,
Reminding me that I exist
And deserve to be loved
Like everyone else.

I am meant to be led from within
I must not look back
What was said, done, felt
It is in the past
Turning our back to it
She leaves these old things among the ruins,
Clinging brings pain,
Me, complete, whole
Moving headlong into what will be
Not being immobilized by what was,
Liberation,
Freedom
From all the demons
She has felt before.
Keeping with the momentum of our life
I run, out of breath
I am pushing forward
Falling headlong into unknown terrain
Grasping for traction,
Keeping with the momentum
That she has given me
I fly.