There’s a part of me that still feels very empty, a part that just slowly starts to consume,
Whether it be me, or my decisions or the decision not to make any decisions,
Im stuck?or rather wedged, in-between my own insecurity and false pretenses,
False life,
False smile,
Where are my False teeth?
by which i speak…
Falsely
And there it is the truth about a lie,
A sham,
am i lying now?
I want to find something, because i feel  as if ive been searching for a really long time,
Though maybe unconsiously or perhaps even in my sleep,
Im searching
And in the past 6 years… i have found nothing
but high hopes
and crushed hearts,
Its like their all mine…
so what do i have left…
Each layer has been peeled away and crushed and now there’s only a soft tap
Where a strong thud used to be
So im searching for a way to pick up all the heart ache
And maybe a mold to reshape what is left,
Into something sharp…
so that when you go to crush it in your hands you get pricked,
And maybe you can feel what its like to bleed on the inside,
Maybe…
The pathetic thing is i couldn’t…
I cant
I can never watch those i care about suffer,
because revenge… just makes the cold… colder…
So im smiling …
Falsely…
Searching… for something more.