Sitting on the floor

my head pressed against the door

bleeding from open cuts

my wounds a gaping look

into my world of hurt

the razor, now broken

in pieces, streaming blood in the sink

heal me, please

just make this stop

make these feelings go away

you wrap your legs under mine

take me in your arms

i can feel your tears run down my face

taste them as they leak into my mouth

cursing yourself over again

holding my head in place

gentle caressing of my neck

how could you let this happen to me again?

how did you not foresee it?

your words stuck on repeat

you are not to blame

you’re my hero, you always see me through

holding my numb body so tight

shaking through the fear of being here once more

thinking of me sliding away

losing me forever to the touch

i am so sorry, i keep hurting you so

i can not control it, i want to fight this

i simply do not have the strength

i just keep seeing his face, his whispers

the shadow over everything i do

holding me in place

“Jesus Christ, get off!”

i fight, but you tighten your grip

the shards of memory digging in

the rupture of my childhood

stolen beneath my feet

how am i meant to let another man touch me?

and not relive that pain?

i can’t get out, the walls are closing in

sealed in your loving embrace

fastened grip on all i see

you whisper “everything will be alright

i’ll be by your side, each day and night”

wishing you had been the victim instead

then the tears come flooding by the bucket load

soaking your sleeve

of all the secrets i was forced to keep

you hold me steady and let me weep

if anything in life is worth all those years of being used

its the feel of you, firm at my side