Some things we not meant to be known.
My response to the Triond user forum writing challenge round 29, where something was to be written using the words “lunar anomaly” and “spider”.
The modern male is subject to all manner of horrors ranging from circumcision to dieting. There are however five things that men should NEVER, EVER, know about, not only for the sake of their sanity but for the sake of human peace overall.
1. Baldness
Baldness should not be in the vocabulary of the 21st century male. It is beyond ridiculous that we can transplant the arm from some dude who died in a freaky monster truck sky diving accident to another dude who lost his arm while trying to feed a caged bear a hamburger, yet we cannot stop a bloke’s hair from falling out. Sure, they can take your pubic and armpit air and nail it into your scalp so that you look like a Barbie doll that was placed too close to a heater, but that just is not good enough.
There are reports of various remedies, such as letting a cow lick your head twice a day, but who the heck has room for a cow anymore? Would a cat do, and if a cat would do, how can you get it to lick your head without it also tearing your face off (of which they can transplant as well these days)? Maybe the mud from the base of a Mayan sacrificial temple massaged into the scalp on the second full moon of a month will make your hair grow back, but it is just too damn expensive: too much demand from facial foundation manufacturers. Anyway, it shouldn’t be required. Why the hell don’t we have the technology to prevent men’s hair from falling off their head? I would prefer every other hair of my body to fall out before the hair on my head. Also my head is bumpy – it will scare little children if I ever go bald. Thus for the sake of the community there needs to be billion dollar research commenced immediately into the prevention and cure of male pattern baldness. Forget bases on the moon, forget Jovian or lunar anomalies, forget the infiltration of shape shifting lizard aliens in all levels of government, forget a solution to global warming – just keeps bloke’s heads covered in their own natural hair.
2. Female Sanitary Products
Men should never know that such a thing as menstruation even exists, let alone pads and tampons. Advertisements for such feminine essentials should actually be banned. It was such advertisements that informed me that a woman can have heavy days. I don’t even want to know that they have days at all, heavy or light. When a male child is born, there should be a chip implanted into their ear canal that activates whenever such an advertisement is aired and plays “lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala” for the duration of the ad. Such advertisements should absolutely and utterly never be shown at dinner time. It is just plain and simple wrong!
I totally understand you 
You, men, are too vulnerable for these extremes. Well, frankly, this whole birth process doesn’t terrible fascinate me as well and the last thing I’d like to do is watch it.
Truly an Original Post …
I can think of so many things that you gentlemen shouldn’t know about. LOL.
Such a great post!
Superb imagination you have. Loved it!
Baldness is due to gravity. Your head hair sinks down into your skull and reappears on your chest and limbs. So to avoid baldness, simply walk upside down on your hands your whole life.
Periods are gross, but can you imagine what would happen if men were never told of them? First time you got randy with your girlfriend at that time of the month you’d be freaking out when your wee man came out all bloody. 
haha, very funny
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