It seems like another life,

another time—

like it should be a flashback

or a flash-forward.

But not now, not now.

Now when I thought I had

worked for something,

come from somewhere

done things, been things

had successes.

Not now.

I feel like I will never get ahead,

I will always be behind.

I thought I did what I did

so that I wouldn’t end up here—

struggling, crawling

at home, in the same place

with nothing but a secretarial

and server job and still behind on my bills.

How did this happen!?

I have an Ivy League degree,

I was the captain of my teams,

I did my best, I loved others

I faced tribulation, and at one point,

I came out on top.

But now I’m here

with still the attitude of the world,

and not seeing how it will ever, ever improve.

And then I have another flashback—

at one point when it was better,

it was also much worse.

I have more now in some ways

than I did then although I have

sacrificed much to be here.

Perhaps I should be grateful for the present,

what I have,

all that I have,

those that do love me

and the fact that if it is true—

God has me exactly where I should be

doing what I should be doing, where I should be doing it.