I miss her so much.
Growing up is no excuse to
Hurt the ones you love no matter
How lost you are, and I will be left
Waiting, knowing she won’t respond
Because my actions brought more
Pain to her then I could ever know.
Being a man in his gender active
Flesh would struggle with everything
That hurts you and would push
You away and when the missionaries
Come through, I know they’re going
To take you away because you are
Needed in the hands of African
I am sorry that I pushed you away,
For every time I spoke with words
Meant to crush because I was tired
Of you hurting me and being apart
Is never easy, not for either side.
I am sorry for being an awful man
With plans that were meant to bring
You pain because it seemed so easy
From where you pretended to be.
Was I being a man, by behaving
Like an animal, was my greatest
Desire to try someone new the
Best idea to push you aside?
I waited outside so long, I never
Took the chance to step in, I came
All this way to sit outside and now
Everyone knows, I bet they are
Laughing at me because I am a half
Hearted fool who was too broken to
Move through your doorway.
God what happened? This house built
In prayer came crumbling down, I know
Our hands were filthy and you saw
Every time we sinned, but God wasn’t
There a plan somewhere around here?
I don’t see any streams, any rivers running
Through this desert, there is not staff and
No rocks to find in sight, I am so thirsty for
What I thought you said was right.
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