Growing up is no excuse to

 Hurt the ones you love no matter

How lost you are, and I will be left

Waiting, knowing she won’t respond

Because my actions brought more

Pain to her then I could ever know.

Being a man in his gender active

Flesh would struggle with everything

That hurts you and would push

You away and when the missionaries

Come through, I know they’re going

To take you away because you are

Needed in the hands of African

Children.

I am sorry that I pushed you away,

For every time I spoke with words

Meant to crush because I was tired

Of you hurting me and being apart

Is never easy, not for either side.

I am sorry for being an awful man

With plans that were meant to bring

You pain because it seemed so easy

From where you pretended to be.

Was I being a man, by behaving

Like an animal, was my greatest

Desire to try someone new the

Best idea to push you aside?

I waited outside so long, I never

Took the chance to step in, I came

All this way to sit outside and now

Everyone knows, I bet they are

Laughing at me because I am a half

Hearted fool who was too broken to

Move through your doorway.

God what happened? This house built

In prayer came crumbling down, I know

Our hands were filthy and you saw

Every time we sinned, but God wasn’t

There a plan somewhere around here?

I don’t see any streams, any rivers running

Through this desert, there is not staff and

No rocks to find in sight, I am so thirsty for

What I thought you said was right.