I grip my chair so hard it hurts.
turning the music up louder only numbs the ache,
but nothing can unlock it,
and set me free.

moving at speeds my body can’t compete with,
thinking of things my senses can’t connect with.
my mind races and races.
memory conversing with random facts,
concience arguing with dreams.

I just can’t focus.
I can’t seem to let my mind lock onto one thing,
in time for everything else to straighten itself out.

suddenly im splashing my face with water in the hope of awakening from this daze,
this nightmare.
Nothing.
I still can’t seem to recalibrate my head,
and concentrate on something tangible.

looking in the mirror everyday,
ill always fight to admit this,
but maybe, just maybe,
its because you were the only person it ever made sense to focus on.

and now your gone.

walking down streets and hallways everyday,
i’d like to say i’m strong enough to be over you,
and maybe I was for awhile,
but now that reality has changed.
the toothpick and cottonball walls I built around me,
to keep me sane and protected,
are crashing down and falling apart,
dragging me with them.
forcing me closer and closer to the realization that,

i’ll never want to focus on anyone but you,
anything but you,
only you.