A metaphor for death.

Laughter in the rain
As it washes away the pain
Getting soaked to the bone
Erasing the sins I will atone
Awaiting at death’s door
Dwelling in the downpour
As it washes over me
Setting me free

Image Source

“All slang is metaphor, and all metaphor is poetry.” ~Gilbert Keith Chesterton

LOL. Some of the comments here don’t make any sense. I even got a two-for-one on a generic comment. Next time, just don’t leave a comment, OK? ;)

6
Liked it
  • Tiki33 on Feb 20, 2012

    A very nice expressive poem. Thanks for sharing this.

  • AmosTheCat on Feb 21, 2012

    Well done. You made me feel the rain you discribed and the emotions too.

  • faizalhuda on Feb 21, 2012

    GOod worK

  • faizalhuda on Feb 21, 2012

    GOod worK

  • jennifer eiffel01 on Feb 21, 2012

    Great. Very good points.

  • Melody SJAL on Feb 21, 2012

    You really are a good poet… the lines flow smoothly and they feel good on my lips.

  • Adam Henry Sears on Feb 21, 2012

    I’m trying to get a hold of the specific set of emotions you’re trying to convey, but it’s escaping me. I sense the relief in freedom from death that you feel, but some of the words and images aren’t matching up. Don’t get me wrong, they are great images, and the feeling of relief and release is there, but the rain and the downpour, the soaking to the bone, and the waiting at death’s door seem to … be in the wrong spot or something.

    Other than that, I agree with Melody that the lines flow smoothly, and with Tiki that it’s very expressive. Maybe too expressive. lol Anyway, great job and have a good day.

  • dodolbete on Feb 21, 2012

    standing in fear…in the pouring rain… feels like something’s waiting there… ready to kill me… forget my comment maybe I’ve just got too many horror setting in my head LOL ^,^ Nice job

  • Shirley Shuler on Feb 21, 2012

    Hi Lady Sunshine, I not only sense your emotions here but I feel your pain as well. Within your words, I can feel the relief of a love one letting go, rain washing away past sins, and the freedom that awaits at death\’s door. I am not sure if anyone understands what your \”Free\” is all about, but I want you to know, I understand, and my heart is heavy!

  • marqjonz on Feb 21, 2012

    Your metaphor is powerful. I had to read the poem half a dozen times before I got it, but I think I do at last. Metaphors are hard on reader because they’re implicit.

  • Sonia Doreen on Feb 22, 2012

    …But this is so good, why not leave a comment. A nice read in a long long time.

  • sheilanewton on Feb 22, 2012

    Beautifully created, Lady Sunshine. I can’t count how many times I’ve been caught in the rain – and just laughed and laughed. You painted a vivid picture for me of those times. And the language you use just rolls off the tongue when the poem is said out loud.

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