dawn seeps through venetian cracks
puddles on the floor, unstamped
like sealing wax
I contemplate my fate
caught in the current
of this Bardo state
untethered attempts
to contemplate
lessons inherent
in love and hate
seem I make the same mistake
every time I incarnate

subdued attempt to meditate
miraculous light radiate
flicker my fragility – I am
not made to bear such hate
unwilling to retaliate
ever does self sacrifice
heap bad karma on my plate

desperate seeking truth inside
try to find a reason why
astrology birth analyse
accurate – my depths define
shreds fear filled faith
that informed blind eyes
soul sickness now metastasize

these things I can’t assimilate
contradicting reason – typify
logic over-simplifies
broken heart stays mystified
soul longing to be dignified
but nothing ever signifies
I remain…denied

vast reservoir of strength
run dry – no oasis yet in sight
remnants of courageous pride
scraped up from somewhere
deep inside
in insufficient quantity
to meet the day with equanimity
sleep beckons – come and hide

shaking – undefeated yet
ignore the craven lure
the rising sun makes promises
of tomorrows that are pure
yesterday can have no hold
without consent secured
some scars I maybe have to bear
but not all, instinct assures

groping the dark recess of me
to find the strength to stand
and be
not anything particularly
just me – trying to
face today – smiling blithely
for the world to see
I just can’t be
fractured so badly
internally
too much depends on me
regardless of restless fault lines