There was never anything that I needed. I never expected anything from anyone. Expectations can be the worse thing in the world to have, because if someone happens to fall short, then you are more disappointed then ever. When you find yourself staring into the eyes of expectation, you find yourself staring into your worse fears. Whatever expectations you have, are the ones you fear the most, the ones you fear that someone is putting on to you.

This isn’t to say that one doesn’t think about expectations. This is not the case. We can think about them, we can wonder, we can secretely harbour them without telling anyone, because of fear. That fear that if we place those bonds on another, someone might place them on us. And the fear of falling short is just to great a thing for us to deal with. And maybe we don’t ever want to find ourselves, not living up to some ideal, even if it isn’t our own.

Or just maybe, we are too afraid to let ourselves be relied on to be something else, to be something more then we are, to let people in and let them know we need them, we want them to be around, we EXPECT them to be there when we need it. That’s too much to handle I think for some people. It was definately too much for me.  It was… to much for me.