nice, like it

Neat poem.

“Embrace the moment” is one of my mottos too.

I really enjoyed that first image when the light entered the room in the morning. I felt that it was a very good way to start your piece. Not to mention that you did a fairly good job of maintaining the mood with words like newness, first, fresh.

I think it could use a little fine-tuning though. Your first and second periods should be commas, so that your run on flows smoothly.

In your first segment you introduce light slowly by saying it filters through lace curtains, but your next segment says that it pours… . The huge difference in light diffusion and light pouring is like the difference between slow and fast. Perhaps a new word in place of “pouring” is necessary, to maintain the slow and calm set mood that you begin with; perhaps a word like ‘resting’, or ‘laying’, or even a word that matches the verb filters, like ‘netting’, or ‘percolating’. Anyway, that’s just a few suggestions, none of which you have to take.

I noticed that while you do have a few mood words, you don’t have enough to fill out your piece with a complete image. Here’s an idea for you:

I, myself, before I start writing, like to brainstorm words for thematic material and mood maintenance. I will take my poem idea, like fishing for instance, and brainstorm up a couple dozen words, expressions, and rhymes that I might like to include. For ‘fishing’ I might come up with a bunch of words like: bait, tackle, boots, hooks, river, banking, edge, pole, trout, perch, worms, grub, minnows, catch, net, etcetera. Then I would try to think of a few rhymes that might apply like line/twine, snap/trap, wade/glade, and a few expressions like get my fish wish, net-jumper, dragging on bottom, caught a branch and so on. This kind of brainstorming allows me to come up with thematic material and mood words all at once. Then when I sit down to write I don’t have so much thinking to do all at once.

Other than that, you did a fairly good job with presentation. Thanks for sharing and have a good day.