I have a humbug philosophy
I think it is very charming on me
No holiday foolishness, that’s my goal
(I have distributed lumps of coal)
Consumerism I will eschew
My tree stands proudly at one foot two
No festive hat I will don
I shall not greet my neighbor Ron
I will complain loudly of jingle bells
And turn up my nose at dinner smells
Glare when Santa comes my way
And frighten him of with pepper spray
Preach Scrooge at all the neighborhood kids
And never sing carols, God forbid
By a package or present for no one
Now, where have all my presents gone?