I am

I’m fed up with distraction,

How I must control my fears.

I’m fed up with depression

And the swelling of tears.

I’m angry about isolation,

And feeling on my own.

I’m angry about ignorance

And their patronising tone.

I’m bored of underachieving 

And the disappointment it brings.

I’m bored of being checked on

Answering the phone when it rings.

I’m frustrated with waiting,

To standing in line.

I’m frustrated with seeing countless people,

And the paperwork I have to sign.

I’m enraged with my self,

For being this way.

I’m enraged with people close to me,

Pretending I’m okay.

I’m inpatient for treatment,

Wondering how the future will be.

I’m impatient for the change,

To meeting the new me.

I’m scared of what will happen,

If I stay the same.

I’m scared of losing the battle,

For not achieving my aim.

What happens now, 

doesn’t just depend on me.

It depends on support

From friends and family.

It relies on the all the doctors

And specialists I see,

But until then, I’m enslaved,

Longing to be free.