For the first time in ten years
I didn’t wish you a Happy Birthday
I knew it was your birthday
For weeks I knew it was coming up
First day of Spring
Who can forget that

I wanted to send you a message
I almost did a few times
But I couldn’t
You would’ve written back
And asked me about my life
What I’m up to
Who I’m with
If I’ve finally gotten around to writing you that novel that I promised you I’d write when we were in the happy stage of our relationship
Questions I can’t answer because I don’t know how to

I would’ve left you hanging and I know you would’ve taken offense
Or sent me a longer message hinting at a desire to reconcile after a nearly nine year separation
You would’ve reminded me of how good we looked together
How we made each other laugh
Glossing over the fights
And what made us end
Because you’re feeling nostalgic and lonely

Perhaps you would’ve suggested I follow you to New York City in the Fall
Just as you suggested I visit you extendedly in D.C.
You would be the one in the spotlight this time while I cheered you on
And played the role of the proud, but put upon girlfriend to anyone who would pity me
I’d love to see how you’d balance things
How you’d handle my leaving you for the first person who’d take me on the same day you learned that someone you loved might die

Or maybe you would’ve accepted my silence realizing that there’s nothing to go back to because there was nothing there to begin with
Or that we’ve become such strangers that even small talk is too personal
I do hope you had a good birthday though
You’ve come along way and so have I