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My nerves are on edge

because I feel so deep.

So much so that I cannot sleep.

I’m up walking the floor,

waiting, just waiting for that

familiar knock at the door.

Night after night

I hear nothing.

I am losing sight

of who I am.

Most of the things these days

I don’t give a damn.

My heart yearns

and my belly churns,

for a lover that I can’t have.

I hurt in the very ends

of my nerve endings,

and I was not slighted.

I have always been one guided

by the mind instead of the heart.

This time a new thing entirely.

I am playing a different part.

A part I am not used to.

Something I thought

I would never do.

I fell in love, though

I didn’t want to.

I fought it, but lost

and it has cost

beyond measure.

I knew things were over,

but I hadn’t  been able to let it go,

with nothing to show

that it even happened.

Our secret times together

were special and grand.

Our time in the sand,

you holding my hand.

How can I forget that?

How can I just pretend

that you don’t exist?

How can I resist?

I am hurt, yet I understand.

I knew it wasn’t to be forever,

but I took a stand,

making my feelings known.

I fought, but lost

and in the end it did cost