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I HAVEN’T DIED MY SON

(For Maki)

You were dazed when you saw

M/v Zamboanga at close range

At Makar Port that fateful day.

You must have thought it was a picnic,

But it turned out to be a send off.

Why was papa not holding you in his arms

But instead faded colored bags were

All he seemed to care? It was too

Much for you to take there wasn’t

Anything like that before.

Papa’s no longer within your sight,

It must have dawned on you that he’d

Be gone forever and so I heard you

Later asked: is papa dead? How can

I convince you my son that it would

Only be for a while?

Could I ever fathom the abysmal loneliness

That yawns wide inside your little heart?

A master’s thesis or even a doctoral dissertation

At UP can in no way bridge the chasm, the emptiness,

The void that is eating your anxious heart.

Whatever mama, kuya or yaya might say,

But papa’s dead and so does your sweet innocence.

I wonder how it will be when you’ll see me again.

Might it not be something of a resurrection?