I Love You

What is Love? I can tell you only this about love.

I love you.

My will and thoughts and emotions are united,

United all for this simple phrase.

There was a time when I could have chosen to not love you.

That was another time.

Love can be both conditional and unconditional.

Choice and no choice. Joy and pain.

Emotions can be fleeting and changing.

Love is a choice.

A choice must be decided carefully.

The path taken in love has perils.

Too many past loves have hurt too deeply to express.

Fear to love again, lest pain returns.

Defenses are instinctively brought up when feeling vulnerable. Barriers to love.

What have I learned about love?

Love means caring despite the pain.

Love means sacrificing the self for another.

Love means that after all that,

The only reward to love is love itself.

You can see it in a parent with child.

You can read it in God’s Word.

Love is both strong and soft. Love is surrendering in order to win.

But we don’t want to give up. We want to keep a part of ourselves.

We want control, we struggle for control,

Even when seeing that nothing outside of us is within our control.

The choices.

Allow others to control us,

Or give our love to others to return that love,

Or give up love to keep control. Letting go.

Sometimes love means letting go.

Letting go of our illusions of control.

Letting go so that others can love.

Love and fear.

Sometimes working together,

Sometimes fighting each other.

So what am I trying to say?

I love you.

Once my will decided, my thoughts and emotions confirmed it.

Too late to pretend. Too late to deny.

I gave up my control. Lead by being a servant.

Let destiny and fate decide. Let faith begin.

What is the next step? What should I do about it?

How do I communicate love? Is it possible for that love to return? Would you love me?

Too many questions, not enough answers.

A fight between my fears and my love will last the rest of my life. Emotions that will cause strife.

The Battles.

Accept the pain, being vulnerable,

Or put up defenses that prevent closeness. 

Shielded by pain, protected from love. War for love or glory.

I wanted you to know that I want to know you.