I used to disappear to rap

in my bedroom the tunes did fill

another joint dropped in my skull ashtray

and a drink at my feet

surrounded by my books and art

my telescope looking out the attic window

many artists taking turn

to fill my mind with great sounding hate

i remember DMX the most

listening to him on the way to school

and after when no one was about

my computer games on

to hold me in place

and yet tear me away from reality

i always had money thrown my way

was called a spoilt little brat

but others got given love

i never got shown attention and affection

Resident Evil, zombies on the screen

fucked up shit on Silent Hill

they shaped my life

made my imagination grow

writing horror tales in my head

listening to heavy metal

and just letting the dissociation fazes

throw me with consent

Slipknot, In Flames

no one can do it better

learning to deal with who i was

bringing my other lives to light

through the attempts on my own life

i knew i couldn’t fight

just had to let them be

i owe my life to imagination

and material things

the words that throw me

in the beauty of the world

R.E.M i grew up never having choice

Stipe even shaped my outlook on life

documentaries on TV let me repress

the muffled bangs and shouting

but never faltered the voices in my head

and the burns and cuts deep in my skin

but my alters got me through it

even if they sometimes take control

i do not see the real world as it should be

can no longer even watch a film

the world just floats in unfamiliarity

I’m not here i don’t belong

but i never did

since the day that i was born