the night sullenly relinquishes its hold,

outside, fog drapes wearily upon the world

causing the light to scatter strangely.

An eerie landscape beckons. It fits my thoughts.

I woke this morning, my chest hurting

and stepped outside to breathe.

I lit a cigarette instead.

Some people are addicted to heroine,

I’m hooked on nicotine.

I dreamt again of her last day,

the dream melding with a memory

of another’s.  His was violent; bloody,

a bullet under the jaw; we got called

to clean up.  He spoke to me.

“I don’t feel well.”

Grisly humor, the cops and I rolled on the floor;

my supervisor wet himself.

Another day in the life of a Paramedic I guess,

Dead man talking here.

Her death though, that disturbs me.

She shouldn’t have died, I was right there;

CPR begun within seconds, by a professional,

no wasted effort.  The only delay was hitting

speaker and 911.

She spoke my name.  Just before she died.

The sound of it haunts me; plaintive and scared.

Calling on the one person she ever truly trusted

to save her.

My hands shake at the memory and,

my eyes have problems seeing.

She was my wife and I loved her so.

I wish this life would end.