It just doesn’t flow. You need to really hit it from one angle, then branch off, hitting from all sides. At first the reader feels the story is about a graveyard inhabitant, pondering the ideas of the poem being about the dead, or the alive living with the dead. Never would I have thought it to be about the grounds keeper (although that is sensible). but sensisble is NOT your style. Unconventional is. Try again with this one, may be lengthening it (but that’s not the main objective.

As the reader, I am confused as to who will be the narrator at first (in a good way): the dead, the living dead, spooky creatures, a hobo… yet you went with the sensible of the groundskeeper. That’s unlike you; you go for the unconventional. Go back and work on this one. I think your holding back something that would amke this one GREAT.

Interesting. I’ve been to graveyards where people live among the dead.