lol… I just visited the forums and saw that you wanted more critiques: well, I’ll do my best to help.

So, here goes: I love the fact that you want to infuse your writing with emotion and dignity, and I can see that from this one, you have some deeply rooted feelings that need to be released. That’s great, but,… it reads too much like a journal entry where you’re chastising yourself. Any emotion that you build a poem on should be one that you have dealt with already, and don’t take that to heart,… I simply mean that when you don’t know how you should feel, the reader gets lost trying to follow.

As for improving… I guess it really matters what you want to accomplish with your poems. You should set for yourself some goals and try to focus more on quality than quantity.

I see here some errors in flow, focus, and presentation. For instance, your lines are very long, longer than some of T.S.Eliot’s lol… but you don’t have a natural break-down of the pacing. It seems like you’re just trying to fill in the space until you hit a good time to put in a rhyme. If I might make a suggestion: T.S.Eliot did have some long lines, but they were fewer and farther between and they presented a complete thought almost within themselves, and where he wrote mostly free-verse, you are writing more free-forms. Break down and vary your line length, and forget about trying to rhyme. Separate each complete segment of thought with skipped lines. This will tighten your pacing, and help you to develop your personal style a little more, help you get in tune with your inner muse so to speak. Your writing also seems to be more focused on getting across how you felt or trying to speak directly to your reader. I personally think this is a bad thing for poets to do. Readers of poetry want to feel drawn into your story, want to feel mesmerized by the wording and the scene. Your emotional journey from beginning to end should feel grounded in some sort of past reality or present kaleidoscope of one. It really should feel complete as well. Everyone loves a good story, especially one that has a high level of personal drama. So, instead of relaying the importance of your feelings through exposition, use your memories and recreate the scenes for us, as close to real as you remember them, or as symbolically veiled as you wish. (In a bad memory, you might want to change the favoured smell of bacon to the musty stench of an old barn; In a good one, the cow-dung fertilizer to the pine-mulch of the garden.)

Well, I hope this helps a little. Thanks for sharing, and have a good day.

i you’re really feeling this way, well take my advice…
life has to move on..it waits for no one…
you have let go of the past and live the present…

if this is just a piece of your mind, well it’s good and i love reading it….

thanks so much for the advice and helpful tips i really appreciate them just keep them coming x

So sorry for the pain you went through….that which does not kill us makes us stronger! Look at the incredibly talented and beautiful young lady you have become! Who has the last laugh and smile now!! Well done!

Well said Peter… Very well said, i’m a strong believer of that saying x

I found poetry helped me a lot to get my feelings out.
I wrote some really dark stuff and sometimes still do but they will not be published.
You have to put the past behind you for you to move forward and you ant do that till you lock them doors up.
I enjoyed reading what you wrote.