I’m in love with Joaquin Phoenix
Seriously. It’s true love. It’s real.
So what if I’ve not actually met him
That doesn’t change the way that I feel

I’ve seen him in films on the telly
So handsome and brooding and strong
With the power and insanity of an emperor
And with the depth of a Johnny Cash song

He’s an artist of finest proportions
That can be seen in the films he has made
I like to think that he’s made up of the best bits
Of the variety of parts he has played

Ok, so I know I don’t know him
But in my head he’s one hell of a guy
And I know we’d be marvellous together
And I think he should give it a try