Jeannie was a vampire

She hid it from her pals

She thought that it might ruin

Her nights out with the gals

If instead of drinking vodka

She had a glass of blood

So she swallowed her revulsion

And downed another Bud

Jeannie was a vampire

She hid it from her fella

For fear the thought of razor fangs

Would make him turn quite yella

And suffer from a dreadful droop

Faced with fangs keen as a knife

For Jeannie couldn’t contemplate

A celibate un-life

Jeannie was a vampire

She hid it from her boss

Nightshift jobs were hard to find

She couldn’t risk the loss

She needed dough to pay the rent

And so she kept her peace

Though draining the demanding sod

Would be a sweet release

One day she saw a Gay Pride march

She thought it would be grand

If vampires also could come out

And march behind a band

Though only after sunset

Since frazzling to a cinder

Might, the push for vampire rights

Just a little hinder

The idea stuck within her mind

It wouldn’t be denied

Until, one night, down at the pub

She snapped, stood up and cried

“I just can’t hide it any more

 See I’m a fiend undead

 Who wants to bite you in the throat

 And leave you drained and dead”

A hush fell heavy, ‘cross the bar

But then came wild applause

Even when they saw the fangs

That nestled in her jaws

“Well done, Jean, you see we’ve known

 For nearly seven years

 We hoped that one day you’d come out

 And conquer all your fears”

Now Jeannie is a vampire

Her friends think she’s the best

She bares her fangs to scare away

Each bloke who is a pest

If John or Jack won’t take the hint

And tries to cop a feel

She grins her grin and he runs off

With an almighty squeal!

And Jeannie is a vampire

Who’s found her fella likes

Being teased by wicked fangs

As sharp as silver spikes

Trailing slowly down his jaw

Nibbling down his throat

It turns him on supremely

And hits the perfect note

Jeannie is a vampire

Who’s found a new career

She told her boss to stuff it

Without the slightest fear

And when he tried to make her stay

To work her notice week

A single vicious evil smile

Made the poor fella squeak!

Now Jeannie is the vampire

Who works behind the bar

Her wicked smile and toothy grin

Draws patrons from afar

And none of them dare misbehave

For better than police

Just a hint of pointed fang

Is sure to keep the peace

Jeannie is a vampire

With every cause to gloat

And if you’d like to join her

Why, just show her your throat!