A poem about crappy christmas presents.

Jesus Never Bought Me An Electric Guitar

by Lew Sethics

Jesus never bought me an electric guitar
I told Santa a million fuckin’ times or more
All I got was this ugly motherfucking sweater
It’s like the toothfairy used to do better.

So I asked my friends about their Christmases
Drunk on love and their children and their missuses
I don’t get it, I was all alone
Stewed to the gills and stoned to the bone.

Jesus never bought me a video game
He don’t like ‘em so Santa brought me something lame
A set of wrenches, a dictionary and a hammer
Like I need to be fixin’ on my grammar.

So I got myself a bunch of the shit I need
Like a Marshall and a Gibson and a bag of weed
Lock me up in my little four cornered room
Straight jacket, straight whiskey, sucka boom boom boom.

Jesus never bought me an electric guitar
I told Santa a million fuckin’ times or more
All I got was this ugly motherfucking sweater
It’s like the toothfairy used to do better.

5
Liked it
  • Netty net on Dec 1, 2009

    are you proud of your writing?

  • 8Shei8 on Dec 1, 2009

    Dark humor (I think). It’s creative! I hope this year you will have your electric guitar.

  • LewSethics on Dec 1, 2009

    Yes, i’m proud of my writing. Why wouldn’t I be?
    Don’t judge me on this one piece. This is a copy of lyrics for a song of the same name. I uploaded the song but it didn’t take. Most of my stuff doesn’t involve so much vulgarity, but this one does. Grownups be that way sometime.

    Thanks 8Shei8, I hope Santa brings you what you want, too.
    By the way, 8Shei8, how do you pronounce that?

  • Drew Diligence on Dec 1, 2009

    It’s crap!

  • Jennifer R. on Dec 31, 2009

    I cannot believe that someone could read this and say it is “crap”. I found it to be very funny, honest, and more entertaining than most of the bland, done over and over articles and material you find now a days.

  • yes me on Jul 25, 2010

    Well Lew I loved this one real poetry.
    great rhythm, and pace…. shame you didn’t get the Electric but, a good Gibson in any collection must have been a comfort cheers

  • choochoo on Oct 28, 2010

    Once Santa brought me a dictionary too. That was lame. But the worst present ever was a game boy. No one had a game boy those days so I came to the christmas tree in the morning and saw a gameboy. That were the happiest 5 minutes of my life. After them I understood that this was a shampoo which looked like a gameboy. That was very disappointing. I cried for two hours and threw it out of the window. Santa is a faggot for sure

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