A poem about crappy christmas presents.
Jesus Never Bought Me An Electric Guitar
by Lew Sethics
Jesus never bought me an electric guitar
I told Santa a million fuckin’ times or more
All I got was this ugly motherfucking sweater
It’s like the toothfairy used to do better.
So I asked my friends about their Christmases
Drunk on love and their children and their missuses
I don’t get it, I was all alone
Stewed to the gills and stoned to the bone.
Jesus never bought me a video game
He don’t like ‘em so Santa brought me something lame
A set of wrenches, a dictionary and a hammer
Like I need to be fixin’ on my grammar.
So I got myself a bunch of the shit I need
Like a Marshall and a Gibson and a bag of weed
Lock me up in my little four cornered room
Straight jacket, straight whiskey, sucka boom boom boom.
Jesus never bought me an electric guitar
I told Santa a million fuckin’ times or more
All I got was this ugly motherfucking sweater
It’s like the toothfairy used to do better.
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