JOTTINGS OF A DISTRESSED MIND

Are these jottings manic outpouring of manipulated mind

or reflections in the mirror of my deluded self?

Images within the dips and hollows and

synoptic pathways of convoluted brain,

far gone from trust or judgement,

replaced by dependence on chemical aid.

What creature have I now become

that all around me hate to speak

or even contact, now that trust is gone?

What for me now of comfort zones and reassuring familiarity,

replaced by deep despair and lust for understanding

that comes within the emptiness of a soul abandoned?

Bone deep weariness and unabridged sorrow

encased in aging shell,

lost youth and seductive attractiveness

a product of society that worships youth and figure.

Shall I view myself from the inside out or the outside in?

Devoid of hope, I fear the latter for not much is left

of trust and judgement that questions all

to do with sanity and reality and Doctor’s drugs.

Wellness of spirit is all to hope for now.

*********

DEPRESSED

distanced

discordant

distressed

dependent                                                      

deplored

demolished

dispassioned

disowned

diseased

debilitated

debased

demented

degraded

denuded

deluded

deserted

despairing

devoid of hope

*********

SPIRIT CHILD

Is this also as sign of insanity

when the angels speak?

The comfort of unheard voice

grown familiar with heat and tingles

that transmits messages from she to me.

Through network of chips and crystal

displayed on liquid screen,

my SpiritChild  – have you come to heal

or help to heal the hopelessness?

Great Spirit can you hear my prayer

beneath the anger, flash and glare

of bitter disappointment?

Whatever this life in meant to be -

is not, can never hope to be

compensation for oblivion.

***********

HOPE

Soft black night

Folding inward

To sooth my soul.

Inner music calming

The torture my mind creates

Soft rose morning

Expanding outward

Burns my weary eye

Yet carries the hope

That the new day rises with possibilities.