Kevin’s Conquest

Her skirt was short, her shirt was tight,
He knew this girl was dynamite,
So Kevin walked across the room,
He’d save this girl from boring gloom,
He cleared his throat and then he spoke,
“Say, would you like a rum and coke?”
She looked at Kevin, then she smiled,
“Isn’t that a little wild?”
“I’m a wild guy,” he said,
“So, would you like to go to… wine instead?”
“That would be nice,” the girl replied,
Then Kevin turned and almost died,
The guy was over six foot four,
Built like a tank he blocked the door,
He lifted Kevin off the floor
With just one arm; his shirt read “Gore!”
His hair was in a single spike,
His other arm was poised to strike,
Gore said slowly, “That’s my Jane.”
And Kevin gasped, “Is that her name?”
“It used to be.” Gore scratched his ear,
“Hang on, I’ll get another beer.”
Kevin tumbled to the ground,
And Jane said, “Please, don’t hang around.
“When Gore comes back he’ll break your face.
“I think it’s cute, so leave this place.”
Kevin staggered to his feet,
And said, “I’ll teach this guy defeat.
“He may have brawn, but I have brain,
“So I can deal with… whatsisname.”
Gore returned, his beer in hand,
“Maybe you don’t understand.
“If you don’t leave my girl alone,
“I’m gonna break your every bone!”
Said Kevin, “Really, step outside,
“’Cause I am gonna… whip your hide.”
“You little runt!” said Gore too slow,
As Kevin dodged the lethal blow,
Kevin ran towards the door,
“That’s six foot two, he’s six foot four.”
Gore chased Kevin all the same,
His head bounced off the iron frame,
Then everything went black for Gore,
He fell unconscious to the floor,
And people cheered at Kevin’s name,
But he’d run off somewhere with Jane.

David Astley

For more poems about Kev’s adventures, try

http://authspot.com/poetry/kevins-race/
http://authspot.com/poetry/kevins-car/