You might have heard the stories

Or maybe they’re just rumours

Of when my poor old granny

Lost her frilly bloomers

My granny she is old school

Hates waste of any kind

Repairs her clothes incessantly

With whatever she can find

When the lacky in her knickers

Lost all its stretchiness

She pondered for a while

And wondered what was best

Now granddad had some braces

That he no longer wore

Granny goes up to the bedroom

And pinched ‘em from his drawer

She cuts up granddads braces

And stitching them by hand

On her bright red frilly bloomers

Puts an extra strong waist band

The next day while out shopping

She wore her favourite drawers

She visited the butchers

And several other stores

Though the ‘lastic was performing

The way she thought it would

The fabric of her bloomers

Wasn’t really all that good

Then as she packed her shopping

She was putting in the beans

When her favourite bright red knickers

Departed at the seams

Not being one to panic

She tried to be discreet

As her great big frilly bloomers

Landed gently on her feet

Stepping from her underwear

She didn’t make a fuss

Just picked up all her shopping bags

And went home on the bus

Of course she blamed my granddad

She said that he was wrong

To let her use his braces

Cos’ the ‘lastic was too strong

© John W Fenn 11-04-2009