Hi Mummy,

Are you coming home soon? My life is one big mess. Nanna’s on the Gin again, father’s so depressed! The School Board want to see you, just as soon as you get home. The bills are piling up on the table by the phone. I’m looking in the cupboards now, and they are almost bare. The linen basket’s spewing unwashed linen everywhere.

The cat’s just done a runner. The milkman’s left no milk, and, the grocer won’t be coming for at least another month. Daddy goes all  purple when I mention uncle Mike, Nanna hits the Gin before I get another swipe. Auntie Rose won’t see me, and, says it’s down to you.

CAN I HAVE A CLUE PLEASE MOTHER?

from your loving son,

Spike

Dear Son,

Mummy’s very busy now, she’s moved in with uncle Mike. When things are sorted out though, I promise I will write. I’ll even call you over, and, you can stay the night. You can meet your baby brother (he looks like uncle Mike). Don’t worry over daddy dear. He will be Ok! I heard he’s found a fluzy, (although Nanna thinks he’s gay)! I shall write to the Board of Governor’s explaining how it is, and, phone your Auntie Rose Mary to see just how she is. Life will come together son, just you wait and see, but Mummy’s signing off right now as baby wants his tea 

x x x