You know you wasn’t around much so staying in touch for us was left to the imagination wondering what we would be building if you were right here but procrastination seems to be your priority or it’s me  cause it seems there’s more important things you could be doing but what you were doing was screwing me! Into a foundation of hate to build on the anger that lives inside me came from being alone child I mean how could you name me but not have the courage to claim me ashamed of me like I asked to be here I had no choice I was chosen and for a long time I blamed me but you’re the coward cause when it can time to be a man and take a stand you ran from responsibility as a young man looking for ways to understand why you left me it took my entire youth to find the truth that it wasn’t me it was you not only did you cost me my youth I have a deeper pain that you could only remove you hurt me and you know the first time I saw him I was on my back in a hospital

part of me was mad other half was still a boy just glad to see his dad and as time passed he became the invisible dad again I started to feel bad cause you, he left again time and time again I wanted to see what it was like to kick it with him then those day dream turned to nightmares spent plenty of time staring into the night air building a steam engine fueled the fire of hate and frustration couldn’t wait to see his face again I got words for him

I never got that chance, he passed move on to higher calling is what I hope for still

I will not forgive him i did wait

I did wait for him even doe I hated him I waited for him to find me but it I just get it off my chest

Fuck it I needed to get this off my chest cause it confines me;

I hate you for not being there I hate you left me left me wondering and I blamed me I feel you we’re ashamed I feel he’s less of a man and he would never understand I wanted to change the name he gave me but now I see it aint me all the times you forgot too my father never forgot who he loved even though I couldn’t see him when I prayed I could feel him kept me sane when I needed gave me strength when I needed took care of me like I needed now the feel of defeated is deleted what he did I wont repeat it all happen for a reason didn’t stop me from breathing words gave me what I needed spoken word help me release it

Now I can put it all behind it no longer confines plus my father reminds me that you were just a man just my dad I was God’s first thought before my dad’s

So dad I forgive you