i lost everything good i once had – because i kept following a voice that taunted me to do bad – now all i see is myself getting worse – to the point where I’m my own worse curse – afraid of myself – i’ve heard that before – someone once said that before they left out the door – didn’t understand it till now – it’s crazy how much he influenced my life – i look back and say wow – what was i thinking to try and take on all his burdens – that’s something only God could do – but once again i thought maybe he’d let me slip through – sadly mistaken his woes became mine – now i to see things that i hope our only in my mind – like a rose dying he let our love wither away – for he thought it better if i just stayed away – to good for his life? – not over another? – who the fuck cares – he was never strong enough to really be there – i only had his shadow – after i gave him my heart – that was hard- for he knows how hardened it was when he met me- it’s ok though – keep it – i’m better without one to tear me apart – one day ill love again and when i do – im sure his face will show up again – but only in my mind – just to taunt me – so i remember who had it first – well fuck you – that’s all i can think- go be the whore you want to be – sleep around and just be free- unlike you i keep myself clean – i don’t want to hear anymore lies from you – your an asshole or at least you are now -it’s true – friendship sounded good at one time until i realized how  could i ever be friends with the guy i still loved even after all the hurtful truths i found out time after time – i think back at how you once said you never cheated on a girl yet you did to me then cryed and begged me not to leave – did i? – nope i stayed around – why? – because i loved you – but you never believed it always asking me – why do you love me? – i never really knew until you weren’t around one day – but what does it matter if you gave up on me because of my partyer ways – so i have many guy friends and go out to much – never do they ever get to touch the way you did – and my partying well let’s say at least i can experience life well lived – both so different yet exactly the same – i hate you – yet love you – it will always be that way – i hope you do marry someone and have that family that we once had dreamed – but if you die on the street like you vowed – then you weren’t half the man i once respected – for your life holds a future – I believe it – but im sure you’ll just read this and let that voice inside tell you different – for you always do listen to your inner demons – that’s exactly why you are where you are – you do it to yourself -  one day you’ll see everything I tryed to be to set you free – everything i did to try and make you smile – everything i blew off just to make you number one – you don’t care now but one day you will – and i hope it haunts you like i know it will – because it haunted me that you gave up on me – when i never once gave up on you even after everything you did to me – live your life well love and think of me often – for forever you’ll be in my heart cuz you were the only one that I let in all the way – remember that day out in the field – o heeey – i hate you yet love you – and it pisses me off – yet i never regret meeting you – for you really made me happy alot – the good times always outshine the bad – and with you just you i could be happy just laying in bed – listening to nothing but the sound of your heart as you slept – i thought you’d be my only man – it’s funny how uncertain the future is – now that i sit here and write this about you – i realize you made me better not worse – i made myself my own worse curse – but now im turning around – nothing is going to bring me down – i will succeed – and i hope you do to – just remember im always here for you – and i hope its the same way back – cuz though were growing apart – inside my heart you’ll always be my bestest friend until the very end- and that’s that.