I wanna unlove you.
I wanna take back what i know i can’t.
It all sinks in now.
The thoughts….
The promise….
That promise made years ago.
So bring me back to reality Lord.
Guide me that way you know i need you to now.

I reach high.
Maybe sometimes too high.
Lost in direction.
Left turn…..you’re gonna screw up.
Right turn…. you’re heading towards the past.
Straight turn…..seems to scary to reach for sometimes.
So this battle you will win you tell yourself.
To love without looking back.
You made that choose.
Looking back you still blame yourself for your past.
For her acting like this.
For her doing this.

You tell yourself you, your doing the right thing by staying away.
You tell yourself….you won’t go backwards only forward.
Tell me you love me!!! I wish i still did.
But found someone who is there.
Through distance….
Through the hard times.
Who knows me the way you never will.
I wanna hate you but i can’t.
I look back at us and realize we are not meant to be.
I know we’re better off.

A friend hugs me i almost break.
God holds me tight….he knows I’m breaking at the thought you might have succeeded.
Where would that have left me?
As gravity pulls me in.
I come to realize i know what i need to listen to my head.
Love you???
I wish i still did.
I can’t hate you.
It’d make my life so much easier.
But the blame is on me.
Always has been.
So when i pray I’m doing the right thing.
That my head is right.

Than my life flashes.
And i know it’s not you who i see anymore.
How time pasted i changed.
But changed into a woman for someone else to love.
Confide in.
Supportive.
Loyal.
There.
Loving her with all i have.
She pulls me through what i need.
Without realizing it.
So you think your onto me but your not.
It’s not that i don’t care for you.
I still do.
I still care what happens to you.
I don’t wanna still care.

I got sick of trying to be the woman you someday wanted.
Than everything changed in me.
I know who i need.
Love is unstoppable.
Sometimes blind.
But something always pulls me away from you.
My head…
No longer my heart.
So if these walls could talk…they’d be saying you got someone right now.
Who would devote a life for you and with you.
Don’t fuck this up.
So when the house is empty.

She’s where i hide in.
She’s who’s standing there.
There are great wars with a person’s heart.
Who to choose?
Who to take back?
Who not to ?
Who is worth it.
If we only saw who the future held……we’d make the right choose in the beginning.
So when dark settles…I’m your still on my mind.
My almost 6 years. 

My head knows what is best now.
That didn’t use to be the case.
So maybe this time.God is saying,”Look more towards your heart my child”.
Giving up on an old love isn’t easy.
But it has been awhile since there was a me n you.
Say what you want.
There are others that know what I’m thinking and know where my heart is.

I hope the best for you.
I pray the best for your health.
I pray that someday you’ll understand why i can’t.
I’m sick of trying.
I’m tired of trying.
I’m heart sick that you did this.
All the questions run through my head.
Of simply just “why?”
Unanswered questions i know.

I don’t think about it much anymore.
I can’t allow my self to let my guard down for you.
I know these walls are up for a reason.
And hope the best for you.
Take that or leave it.
We’ve hurt each other too much for me to say yes to you.
My heart was broken into too many pieces by us.
I know what i want.
I know what i need.
That’s got nothing to do with you.

I know me well enough to know it’s not scared.
It’s knowing what’s best.
What’s best for my heart.
So i gather my things of thought.
I still care…..don’t think i don’t.
But I’m tired of worry.
Over this….
God handed me someone else.
God handed me a reason to stop me in my tracks.
And i thank him for that often.
I feel like I’m running in place.
I still got my family.
I still got the one i love.
I still got my friends.
Who know me better than all.

God gave me the courage to do this.
I know all this.
I just have to remember what you do with your life is on you.
It’s hard to hear and deal with.
Loving you at one time i would never change.
Never regret something or someone who once made you smile.
Live….
Breath…..
Love is unstoppable when giving in the right hands.
I found those hands.
I found that strength.
God grant me the support i need right now.
I find it through sunsets.
Late night texts.
Friends and family.

God hands us people to help us through the moments we know we can’t do alone. 
God grants us the courage to do right the first time or to learn.
We all have battles to win.
We all have wars in our hearts that we fight with.
Never regret just live and learn.