Welcome to my magic show
You can stay, but you can’t go
My scarf is neat, tied in a bow
When I do my tricks, your mind will blow

I’ll hypnotize your mom
Tie her down with flying ropes
When the table saw comes in,
It’ll cut up all her hopes

They seem to cut right through her,
But in real life she’s fine
What you all can’t figure out
Is how I make her mine

The ropes undo themselves,
And m’lady jumps up okay
She falls right into my arms
And said I made her day

That was just act one, my friends
As you will surely see
For what I have left to perform
Is still unbeknownst to me

Welcome to my magic show
You can stay, but you can’t go
My scarf is neat, tied in a bow
When I do my tricks, your mind will blow

Come on up, man with the ’stache
And feast your eyes on this
I’ll fire ten shots with this here gun,
And I promise I won’t miss.

See, now sir? That wasn’t so hard
There aren’t any holes in you
You felt the blast, but they weren’t blanks
And you seem to be missing a shoe

Oh, what’s that there against the wall?
Isn’t that the runaway boot?
Looks like ten smoking holes through it
I see that this doesn’t compute

Look, now, none of these tricks make sense
Not even to the best, like me
But they still work, and that’s a fact
So be quiet and let me breathe

Welcome to my magic show
You can stay, but you can’t go
My scarf is neat, tied in a bow
When I do my tricks, your mind will blow

Okay, DJ, set up some tunes
Make sure that they’re quite laid back
Everyone needs to focus here
All right, go on and play the track

This bottle here of Mountain Dew
Has been modified just by me
I’d like a volunteer to come
And drink it all, for all to see

Okay, young boy, it’s all on you
Go on and drink this bottle of joy
Now that you’re done, here’s the big test
Show them that you’re not just a toy

That man right there? Lift him with your mind.
Those women there? Do just the same.
You, young boy, have stolen the show.
Try hard, and set them all aflame!

Welcome to my magic show
You can stay, but you can’t go
My scarf is neat, tied in a bow
My tricks are done, your mind is blown.