We were joking around,
In the back seat,
Just having fun.

I loved you!
You were my best friend…

A party,
You always were cliché,
I just wish
It never happened…
Of all the clichés in the world,
Why did you have to choose this one
To follow?
You sat right next to me,
Laughing and smiling.
How could you leave,
And not take me with?!
How could you run away like that!?
The driver left with you,
And I was left alone;
Hugging my knees and crying…

You were telling me a story,
And suddenly, you were gone.
And I’ll never hear the end of that story…
And I’ll never forget your smile…

It all happened so fast,
It was glued to your face.
It haunts me, now…

I sat there, crying, for hours…
Just staring at your cheerful smile…
Somehow, it wasn’t the same then.
Somehow, I knew it never would be again…

It was morning before I finally moved;
I got out of the car,
And punched the window;
The last one that survived.
My fist bled
As the window shattered,
Angry tears
Replaced the mournful ones…

Why?!
Why couldn’t I have died, as well?!
How come I wasn’t even bruised?!
What kind of cruel, sick joke is this?!
I screamed and cursed,
And punched everything I saw…
Pleading for it to hurt me!

Blood ran from my body,
So much of it —
I felt so much relief…
I needed more!
I wouldn’t stop,
Until her smile
Was bled from my memory,
And my heart stopped hurting…

My body needed to feel
The pain my heart felt!
The pain that made me
Cry myself to sleep,
Every damn night!
I needed to bleed!
Needed to die!
Because I didn’t,
That terrible night…
And that is
How I became a
Masochist.