This is the new me. This is the REAL me. GET USED TO IT!

I am NOT what I seem to be. I am NOT what I appear to be. I am NOT what or who you think I am. I am merely a reflection of what I really am…of what I SHOULD be. I have become a mere SHADOW of my true self. Corrupted, diminished by the expectations of society. I am DIFFERENT. I am not like anyone else. I am ME. Unique and special and beautiful, in my own way…I am deep and DARK.

Yet people want to see me as a living doll, demure, pure and PERFECT. People want me to be a photocopy of everyone else. I am a REBEL when I speak my mind. I have gone crazy when I express my emotions in ways different than what is perceived normal. Yet people also envy me…because of ME. Because I CHOOSE to be ME.

This is ME. Always have. I have never wanted to be like everyone else. I’m NOTHING like everyone else. I have merely become a poser, hiding who I really am. Yes, I’m the great PRETENDER. Pretending to be normal and perfect. But I have pretended for too long and my heart is bursting out with its blackness. My soul is exploding with the darkness of its being. Not because I choose to be, but because of what I’m DESTINED to be.

This is me. ALONE, SAD, ANGRY. Alone in the world. Sad and lonely. Angry. At myself. for allowing myself to be sucked up by the mediocrity and immorality of the system. I am aware, I am conscious, I KNOW, yet I let myself be dragged down into the ravine of sinfulness…and NOTHINGNESS.

I want to redeem myself. I HAVE to redeem myself. I want to find myself again. But in the darkness and anger is where my soul bathes in freedom…unless the light can show me redemption.