I feel you here again.

This feeling of you is so familiar,

yet I hardly knew it at all.

In this hurt you caused, I pen,

my worry mixed with constant fear,

I know I’ll surely fall.

Though you’re always running through my head,

I still find the strength to smile.

How I do it, I have not the slightest clue.

I assumed that I had happily been mended,

but the best of things can only last a while.

Emotions will eventually return to that same sea blue.

I remember your hand’s soft, tender touch,

acting as a subtle warmth in the night’s cold,

the flashes of the sky as bright as your harsh eyes.

I remember my name spoken, the name that wasn’t called much.

With my name, your intentions became bold.

You leaned in for a kiss; one that I denied.

I stop you; how can I have this happen tonight?

Everything that ever happened,

all I ever heard,

everything I believed,

every single lie.

So in my reason I fight

I ask, “Why did you end it?”

In his answer my memories blurred.

His mistake was in his leaving.

My insides once cold and aching now cry.

As much as I wanted to hide,

for whatever reason I couldn’t decide.

It all hit me hard; 

letting go is so hard to do.

I let go.

He’d never once admitted he was wrong,

never once had he apologized to me.

With only these things in my mind, I forgave.

He kissed me; I kissed him; I forgave him.

I am not one to be called ’strong.’

Not when I hurt, not when I’m me.

Again I let my kindness invade.

My future with him, with you, is dim.

At last, it was time to say goodbye.

I didn’t know what to think or do,

I only know that we must part.

You wrap me in your arms one last time,

I break away, but you pull me back to you.

With one final kiss from you, I fall apart.

I am certain of nothing, but assume two things:

Things will only be the same;

you haven’t changed; 

you haven’t yet grown up and possibly never will.

I also know that you will pull me apart;

if I’m not enough, you will hurt me to no end;

I am the kill.