Why must I be the one who feels guilty?

of the shame and the harm done to me.

Why must I keep thinking I’m dirty?

When I am the abused , not abusee.

Why did I let him touch me?

When I was taught what’s good and what’s bad.

What did I do to deserve this?

Which left my family and I feeling sad.

Why on earth did he do this to his own blood?

And why did he treat me this way?

Why do I feel bad? When I know I am good,

and why me at the end of the day?

How could a person do this, and not feel bad?

Knowing that I would be frightened and alone,

and being so scared to tell mom and dad.

But crying silently, as I make my way home.

How come I still feel the pain deep inside?

With a memory that still cuts like a knife.

And have now, very few places in which I can hide,

as I struggle and search, as I cope with my life.

Why must I keep this inside me?

I’ve done nothing wrong it was him.

I just want to feel that I’m definately free,

and let my life suddenly start to begin.

I’m so tired of hurting and crying

and holding this pain deep in my heart.

That at times all i feel is like dying

For its too much, I want it to depart.

Oh Mother and Father, please say you’ll forgive me

for not coming and confiding in you.

I was scared and confused, of the things that were done

I was a child, what more can I do?

P Matthews 1998