If I don’t finish on time I’ll lose my present because of my past.

I can’t completely change who I am overnight,

But while you have my baby, be prepared for a fight.

You expect the most from me when I’m so far beyond hurt;

You taunt me and judge me and treat me like dirt. 

You talk about me in my absence and how my son will be better;

His new mommy wants to keep him, so why don’t I just let her?

All the while you claim to be doing what is best for my son;

You keep forgetting that we were once “one.”

As I make my way through the classes, evaluations and goals,

This crash course in life is taking its toll. 

I have to see a shrink because I cried too much for my age;

You’ve taken my son, but I cannot show my rage!

On top of it all, you teach him to call you “mommy.”

You say it in front of me like you never saw me.

An infant doesn’t even know the meaning of the word,

To act as if it means nothing, is nothing short of absurd.

Choosing that word to give him comfort instead of any other

Is not for his benefit and is devastating to his mother.

All the while, I can’t be disrespectful to you,

It would make everything you think of me “true.”

You really don’t take the time to get to know me,

You’re a much better mom and you have to constantly show me.

You think you’ll never see him again if I ever get him home,

And now that you love him you have to make him your own.

You were supposed to help me so why is it that we have to compete?
Don’t you see that without him, my life won’t be complete?

If you would ever take a moment to just look me in the eye,

If you would ever just allow me to show you how hard I cry,

If you ever gave thought to what you may never know,

About the things in my life that make it hard for me to grow,

If you ever took a moment to try and walk in my pain,

Or considered getting to know me might even be your gain,

If you ever stopped to think that God gave him to me,

And there is no one on earth that knows more than He.

God didn’t just send you my son as some prize,

And that He placed you in his life is something no one denies.

It’s a much greater accomplishment to release him to me

To help make things the way that they are supposed to be.

The system says while you have him, I have no say,

But for the life of me I can’t see it that way.

I promise, you will be someone my son will always know,

No matter how old he gets, no matter where we go.

Love my son, but do not become his mother.

This little boy was meant for another.

                                                Matthew’s Mommy