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My hair has to look perfect.

My hair has to be right.

If one hair is out of place,

I’ll be crying all day and night.

So I take my precious brush

I’ve been using for twenty years,

And I brush one hundred strokes

Until my perfection leads me to tears.

The chicks all adore me

Thanks to my gorgeous, manly hair.

It’s wavy and a natural brown.

Please handle with the greatest of care.

Thank you my gold plated brush.

You are my truest friend.

With you there is no phoniness;

With you there is no pretend.

As long as you stay by my side,

I’ll be forever in your debt.

I owe my cool hair thanks to you.

For you, I’ll never be upset.