(Note: 67% of lab mice who were read this acknowledged that imagining a 50s swing band playing over-the-top sound effects after every line increased their enjoyment of the reading. 32% of lab mice noted that this was a poor excuse for poetry. 1% of lab mice were inspired to write their own songs about doggie doo)

Doo due dew doo-doo
Doo doo do the dew
Do the do with Dewie
Who does the Doo!

Doo is so true
It gives us a view
Lying on the sidewalks
Watchin’ the men talk!

It knows all the goings
The ins and the outs
The inner-city flowings
Pierced by a shout!

It’s the doggie doo (doo-doo-doo)!
It’s now on my shoe (ooh-ooh-ooh)
Justice day is now past due (ew-ew-ew)

I’m gonna find the owner of that pup
And stick ‘im with a big fat L-A-W-S-U-I-T
With an overweight lawyer I shall sup!
He’s just gotta see my doo-stained boot

An’ then the Judge is gonna melt before my feet
Ain’t this taste of victory sweet!
The money’s rolling in like a pimped out limousine
Although the lawyer charged me an arm, a leg, and a kidney bean!

It’s the doggy doo!
All my dreams come true!
I’m now in the ranks of the motley crew,
Who’ve thought to write an ode to the –doggy doo–

(Insanely fast drumming with piano fade out. The singer attempts to demonstrate his vocal range, fails, and has a massive voice crack. He promptly receives a free lesson on the fine art of Tomato Dodging. The guitarist beats a strategic retreat.)
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My other work may be found here.

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