I kept telling myself,

Over and over,

Reciting the words,

If I could just let you go…

I kept telling myself,

That if I got all of you out of my life;

That you would go away,

That I would forget you.

That if I ran fast enough,

Far enough,

That you would stop being a part of me.

I kept telling myself,

That someday,

The sun would come up,

And I wouldn’t wake up with tears,

Tears dotting the corners of my eyes,

Reminding me of what I was,

Of who I was,

When I was with you.

I keep telling myself,

That one day,

I will feel the moon on my skin,

Warm and sad,

And I won’t think of you.

I won’t think of what we did together.

I won’t think at all.

I will just feel,

Feel a slight emptiness,

A twinge of memory,

Like the first aching of doubt,

Like the first moment when I met you.

I keep pretending that I believe myself,

But I know,

Before I can believe myself or even tell myself,

I know that you and I,

Have done too much.

And that no matter how many times I wash my hands,

Or take a shower,

Or how many times I re-invent my image,

Or shine the damn spot off my shoe,

That you’re still there.

Where I can’t be.

Where I never really was.

You’re here,

With me,

And I can’t forget you.