What is happening?

Why do I feel so warm?

My legs grow weak, I want to lie down

Someone lets me down as sound begins to fade

I see my mother’s face above mine

What is that! My body shudders

I’m getting scared

I shudder more, WHERE IS MY BREATH?

My mother is gone, such silence

Oh my, I am dying.

-

Who is that down below me?

No, wait, she is above me

I’m so confused

Kneeling above me

Kissing me

No, that’s not right, I feel air

Over there, my sister, frantic

Why is she yelling into the phone?

Why can’t I hear

Oh yes, that’s right,

I am dead.

-

Air, sweet air rushes into my lungs

I feel beating somewhere, hear voices screaming

Then all fades away

I am dead again.

-

Death, pure silence, no pain

But I still see around me

Mother, sister crying, trying

Not giving up

A man rushes in, mom moves aside

Hunches over me

Hands between my breasts

Pushing, pushing

Crying, trying so hard

To be dead no more.

-

The scene macabre

People in panic, people so calm

Me lying on floor

Face unconcerned

Body moving

in tune

Pushing, pushing

More men rush in

Rip open my blouse

I jump, I jerk, I convulse

Three times, such torture

Beating, beating, beating!

The air tastes so good

I am ALIVE!

-

I no longer see

I don’t hear or feel

Where am I?

What is happening?

Why can’t I move Why can’t I speak?

Why can I only think?

I want to be dead again.

-

My hand

Someone, holding my hand

I know it

I am moving

My legs, my arms, my head

I can’t start

I can’t stop

They just move and move and move

Except my hand

Someone is holding my hand

It feels good!

-

I hear them now

Sounds, meaningless sounds

nice sounds

I look with open eyes

but still don’t see

My damn body won’t stop moving

I want to sleep

Why can’t I sleep?

-

I wake up

Light, that was light!

Eyes open, I look around

I SEE!

I see MOM and I want to scream

I can’t, so I smile

Joy, tears, laughter

A kiss, no air this time

My damn body won’t stop moving.

-

I wake up

It’s light again

It’s mom again and brother Eddie

Mom says

Say “I love you Eddie”

I whisper “I love you Eddie”

Joy, tears, and laughter

I smile

Touch nose, scratch head

High five, move foot

I can do it all and more!

My damn body … isn’t moving!

I smile.

-

I wake up

It’s light once more

There is mom

She smiles

“You’re going to rehabilitation today”

I whisper “I am excited”

We all smile

I am glad, I am alive.

-

My Esoteric