I have tried to conger up my early memories
There are just a few and they are a jumble of events
A spanking when I was just old enough to run, and into danger
When the fence was built that cordoned off the yard

But were those the type of things that affect a growing mind
That somehow would appear long hence in the way I saw my world
My mother hanging bed sheets on the line to dry, not likely
The neighbor’s dog that did not respond to my calling, maybe so

The back yard tent in which I was too scared to sleep the night
The closet door at night being opened slowly by some threat to me
Childish fears only, both of those, I would soon out grow them
But competition for my parents’ love, oh, that had permanent effects

Did I see my older brother as my parents’ favorite, yes I did
Was that true, no, but it was only my opinion that counted there
And did my brother detect my fear and play it to his advantage
Of course he did, that is what older brothers do

It did not help either that he was more insistent in his needs and wants
Demanding special, fancy things my mother said were too expensive
And he got them too, perhaps from love, perhaps just to placate him
That meant to me that, for balance, I should be frugal and undemanding

And then that awful stuff about the high school
All my better friends would go elsewhere
But the one I should choose was less expensive
And it had been good enough for my older brother, and his friends

Same thing when it came time for college
Good enough for him, good enough for me
But you go anywhere you want to, we’ll try to afford it somehow
So I continued in my brother’s shadow, I could not quite break away

I suspect that I was always smarter than my brother
But not all his interests, and certain talents, were compatible with mine
So when I took the course in his favorite topic, the one that he loved best
I intentionally flunked it outright, the only F among all my B’s and A’s

Oh, but it was worth it, it cost me honors at graduation that’s for sure
But now I could change my major, from his to what fit me best
He was off in grad school, deep and heavy academic stuff
His degree, he said, would be in the queen of sciences, the very best

But I chose medicine instead, though still on the scientific, academic side
No difference to my brother, all the doc students he knew were kinda dumb
They just could not cut it when the thinking got to the hard stuff
Real science required financial sacrifice, docs were in it for the dough

I will not say more about how it all turned out
I took many more years to become completely my own man
But in the end, all that is over, and I feel my career has been successful
And I am happy now with what I’ve accomplished, on my own