“ Almost every man wastes a part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep”-Samuel Johnson.  Many people are what they are not, say what they don’t believe, and in turn do not live in happiness.  While going through my experience for this assignment I found out more than I ever knew about myself, and how important it is to be only that.  I am a happy, energetic, and inspired person who loves to help others and live life.  So for my assignment I chose to have a terrible attitude, look for the bad in everything, decided that the world was out to get me, and overall be terribly pessimistic.  My secret is that it was not simply a day I was down, it was a span of about three months.  I hope that this is still accepted for the assignment.  I did not live this for a day, but I nearly threw my live away because of it.

        Details of how my experience came to be are irrelevant.  I can only say I was searching for myself and did not know where to look.  Jim Rohn said, “People often spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace.  They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them.  The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within”.  To say the least, my situation with my family was not helping.  My appearance began to change and with that came new friends, a new attitude, and a new way to look at life.  None of which were changes that were helping my life.  People in my ward and very close friends who truly cared about me began to worry if I was okay and tried to reach out to me in their kindness.  But whenever they asked if everything was okay or implied that something was wrong I took offence.  I put words in their mouths that they did not approve of the “new me” and that they were being too judgemental.  The fact of the matter was that they were in no way being judgemental of who I had become, they just knew I was not being true to myself.  Others were not so generous.  People began treating me life a child, like I was not responsible, and I could not be counted on.  Teachers who knew me most of my life began to treat me like I was not smart enough to understand the material.  This kind of treatment only drove me to deeper ends, seeking temporary comfort from those who would only leave me out to dry.  I soon found myself moved out of my mothers’ house, wanting nothing to do with my religious beliefs, and looking at life in a frightening way I had never seen it.  My whole life had taken a change for the worst.  The sad fact was that I had given up.  I no longer wanted to be who I knew I could be, I didn’t want to be myself.  I knew that if I allowed myself to be happy person I was born to be I would regain my old thoughts.  For some reason I wanted to be anyone and anything but me, I had become my own worst enemy.