Have you ever felt like you didn’t have enough stress in your life?
Or is your contentment keeping you happy?
Are you smiling too much?
Do people accuse you of infectious laughter?

Well all of those issues can now be solved!
I have a new product that is sure to cure your happiness!

Its called Wasteurfuckingtimeandhatemyguts
All you have to do is try the website by the same name
Then find that there is no such thing
But I do have a phone number to call
I will only answer on my convenience
And when you do reach me, I will frustrate your every word
I will not be helpful, and customer service will be terrible
So much so that you’ll want to hang up

But before that, I’ll need your credit card number
And social security number
Heck, even your birth certificate and photo ID!

I guarantee that you will get more stress and age faster.
You may even die of a heart attack!
And best of all, this product will cost a lot of money
So much that your wallet or purse will file for bankruptcy!

For a small price of $9.99 per minute I will do my best to annoy you
And if I can’t raise your stress level
Or even make you a little mad
Know that I will not refund your money