I went out with my friend, his name? Justin Le Boufe!

He’s always been quite strange, he’s always been aloof

His fashion sense is weird, he dresses like a madman

I went up to his bedroom, and so our crazy night began

He put on Simply Red, I found this very strange

I thought ‘Is this man deaf? Or is this man deranged?’

He poured me lots of gin to get me steaming drunk

He removed his trousers, revealing swimming trunks

I said ‘I don’t want to see your admittedly huge package’

He replied ‘Look at my probation tag for ex-prisoner trackage’

I let him off this time, there was a tag upon his ankle

Although his gay advances had begun to rankle

He took me to a pub, it was named the Jolly Roger

The moment that we entered, Justin grabbed my todger

I slapped his hand away, but his hand, it came straight back

Courage was a trait that Justin didn’t lack

I fled from the establishment, I really was quite scared

I pray my friendship with Justin can somehow be repaired