You want to stop smoking, I have the cure
An hour of hypnotism will help I’m sure
Relax, relax and drift off to sleep
You’re going down deeper, deep, deep, deep
Ok I’m certain you’re out, that suits me
I’ll write a few letters and have a cup of tea
As you lay snoring I’ll get on with my life
Pick up the phone, have a chat with the wife
I’ll pop to the shop whilst you are relaxing
These hourly sessions I find really taxing
I know people think I just sit in the chair
But believe me I hardly spend any time there
Have a tidy up then a little snooze
If I fancy it I may even have a nip of booze
Then when I’ve done all that I need to do
I suppose I’d better get back to you
Every time you put a cigarette to your lips
Your tummy will gurgle and you will feel sick
One two three, wide awake your time is up
That’ll be fifty quid for the session, thank you very much