It’s the wife, we’ve not spoken for ages

For a while now she’s not moved her lips

But her diet it seems to be working

You can tell by the size of her hips

Ask, if you can, what’s upset her

Was it something I did or forgot

She sits there and stares at the ceiling

And she hasn’t been eating a lot

See if she wants to go shopping

The food I’ve been eating is junk

Tell her she needs a good shower

She’s beginning to smell like a skunk

Find out where all my clean socks are

I haven’t changed these for a while

Try if you can to get answers

And for gods sake please get her to smile

Let her know that we’ve got no clean dishes

And the dogs made a mess of our bed

What do you mean you can’t wake her

You’re not telling me that she’s dead

Who’s going to cook me my dinners

Who’s going to clean for me now

I’m sure that she’s done this on purpose

The nasty vindictive old cow