Revenge O’ The Vampire Haggis

Bruce Officer on Dec 16, 2010

Jist whan ye thocht it wis safe tae hae yer Burns Supper…

The haggis army swept the toon

Their vampire fangs a-flashin’

Through the High Street and on doon

Blood-stained teeth a-nashin’

A haggis piper led the way

Wi’ terrifyin’ skirl

An’ close ahint, the ragin’ hoard

Cam rushin’ in a whirl

They spied a butcher’s shop aheid

An’ cried oot in distress

On seein’ haggis corpses

Lined up ahint the gless

The door they brakt doon in a blink

An’ spied the butcher mannie

The poor wee childe was ilka feart

Faced wi’ the haggis army

The butcher laddie turned tae flee

But the beasties were aw oo’er ’im

An’ a dizen vampire haggis fangs

Did rip an’ tear an’ skewer ’im

They drained his blood, noo in its place

Rins fine mashed neeps ’n’ tatties

He sells nae mair the haggis

Jist the vegetarian patties

Noo let this be a lesson if

It’s haggis that ye wint

Watch oot fer vampire beasties

Creepin’ up ahint!

This poem has since been republished on ExpertsColumn, here.

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Comments (9)

Allison Jae on Dec 16, 2010
Very inventive and creative. I loved the lingo. You should writ this is story form.
lxdollarsxl on Dec 16, 2010
roflmao – bravo wonderful piece – remind me not to have a haggis at home.
Frederick Dewar on Dec 16, 2010
Come on now, we all know that they don\’t exist. Vampires that is! As for the haggis? what a beast. lol
Calare on Dec 16, 2010
Had to read it out loud, to keep up, but it sounded pretty authentic then, even with my accent (of completely different origin).

The line with the vegetarian patties cracked me up…
Beware the haggis! Don’t turn your back on them. How did you come up with that?
Neville 1963 on Dec 16, 2010
Inspired I loved this.
Catherine South on Dec 17, 2010
Conjured up the sound of bagpipes and gnashing vampire teeth for me. Good fun
Lord Banks on Dec 17, 2010
Funny! well written, I like haggis its hust spicy meat really however I haven’t been attacked by a Haggis army yet! LB
Roe2115 on Dec 17, 2010
Very clever, envisioning post.
Yovita Siswati on Dec 18, 2010
very creative poem!

Hi there!