Sitting with a sadistic grin…

Blood coats my body…

Hidden behind black clothing and serenity.

You think I’m serene and gentle?

You think I’m a goody-two-shoe?

You think you know me?

You’re blind to the wounds.

You’re blind to my agony and hate.

You’re blind to my tears and blood.

You’re blind to my regret and fears.

Think you know me?

YOU KNOW NOTHING!

Black hides all.

Suits me fine to hide.

A demoness inside me laughs.

Sadistic laugh escapes me.

You look confused?

Oh, I’m sorry.

You think serenity chains me?

Try again!

Remove all the black.

Unveiling the crimson flesh.

Wounds, scars, and more.

Pale flesh hardly suits the sadistic.

Finds it to its liking though.

Pale as death suits it better.

Looking to my wounds.

Your KIND did this to me!

Surely you love my blood spilling?!

Wait, you look away?!

LOOK AT ME!

DON’T YOU LOOK AWAY!

My blood, wounds, and scars.

This is what you wanted.

Now you won’t look at your work?

PATHETIC!

A sadistic laugh rings sorrowfully.

A sadistic grin dances painfully.

A sadistic glare sees all compassionately.

Sadistic?

No.

Just wounded.

Serenity often veils darkness.

This blood is proof of serenity’s veils.

Fire sears the wounds.

Yet they refuse to close?

How do you like your work?!

You say you wanted my death?

My death but not eternal torture?

You are truly pathetic!

What did you expect a few words…

A few daggers…

A few punches…

A few kicks…

Would do to me?!

Surely, you knew I was stronger?

Yet your goal was to see pain?

I hid it.

You increased the volts!

I smiled.

You struck and lashed out!

I laughed.

You cut into my flesh!

Surely, you’re not ignorant of your torture?

You’re sorry and guilty?!

Too bad.

Look at what you’ve done!

I see your tears.

Truly pathetic.

You cannot look at what…

Whom you have created.

You truly are Pathetic!

Veil all in black again.

Maybe next time you’ll see your poison?

And choose not to inject?

You’ve seen what was my death.

No.

I lived in torture!

All because you wanted me…

Wanted me to know pain?!

Our definitions of true agony…

They are Far from similar…

Not in any means similar.

You see my True Agony.

I see your whining and weakness.

Pathetic is what you see.

Your vision of true agony.

A false veil of lies and envy.

Turn my back on you now.

You know now.

Will you continue my death?

Or will you take your life?

Just know if you wish to continue…

My death is not weakening me.

My death is my strength.

I rise above your pain everyday.

I try to smile.

I try to be happy.

I try to love.

All but one I can do.

I cannot love.

I am numb to affections.

I am numb to words.

I am numb to love.

Trust me.

I wills always be sadistic in your eyes.

I hide in serenity.

Only to face sadistic in my dreams.

Serenity vs. Sadistic.

My daily battle.

I’m stronger than you’ll ever be!

I Know True Pain!

I Hide My True Pain!

I hold compassion to you still.

Cannot love.

But I can care still.

I’m not completely numb.

Serenity vs. Sadistic.

That Is Me.

That Is My Strength.

That Is My Weakness.

That Is What I Know So Well!

2011 Unpublished works. © by Rebbecca Abernathy